news is a business,
politics is a business,
religion is a business,
reality is a business,
prostitution is a business,
war is a business,
flying is a business,
communication is a business,
spirituality is a business,
security is a business.
one thing in common with all these businesses is
that whenever you start to question the
integrity and quality of their business,
they will probably tell you that
it’s none of your business.
finding the light again,
in the most unlikely of places,
my spirit got boosted up
with some external divine juice,
my blurry mind got unblurred.
from everything about anything,
and nothing is ever irrelevant.
I take great pleasure in
accomplishing something positive,
even it may take forever,
which it does,
I see the things that I don’t see,
just a bit after I’ve see them,
so reality keeps making sense,
just after it has happened.
I am here, but later,
I am now, but there,
I am one,
two seconds after.
where am I going?
where are we going?
where does this unknown path lead to?
is history just history,
or is past, present and future as well?
borders and boundaries are somewhat vague,
emotions becoming dull,
vision is blurred.
I walk my own path,
and this path merges into others paths,
what I feel is my own,
and it also effects those around me.
right and wrong, left and right,
they are all irrelevant.
as a corny cliche says,
it doesn’t matter who we are underneath,
it’s what we do that defines us.
bringing awareness and light to everyday life
seems to be the only way for me to relax
and deal with this otherwise seemingly
deranged and perverted of a reality.
it is but when I manage to sit down,
slow down, meditate and breath,
that clarity descents upon me,
with beautiful white streams,
caressing my beating heart,
while almost over flowing,
and I let myself go loose,
unafraid of the shadow,
enjoying a warm ray.
while trying out lenses at the shop, a woman came into my frame.
not knowing anything about her, I watched her closely, observing the movements as she was smoking a cigarette.
she seemed to be a bit impatient, or somewhat unease,
maybe waiting for a boyfriend or husband to arrive.
after a minute or so I began to notice a kind of intimacy building up between us, one sidedly of course as she did not know that we were actually in a brief relationship.
I turned around at the same time as she did, too afraid to show my true face and be seen, too scared to expose my interest.
who would I be without my protection?
it made more sense to explore another lens.
when I turned to the window again she was gone,
leaving me by myself with my digital documenting device,
wondering what if and so on.
feeling like an ordinary shy spy,
I put on my cap and went out for a smoke.
I would say I’m sorry
if I thought that you would give a fuck.
for some strange reason
I’ve been holding up for you
masses of unexpressed anger
frustration and other shit.
if I were you
I would also not have wanted
to be with one such as myself.
nobody likes a self destructive loser.
the inconvenient truth is
that it wouldn’t make any difference to you.
you are not the kind to feel compassion
and even at the rare cases that you do
it is always a disguise
waiting to erupt
like an old impatient bus driver.
so I’m not sorry.
sometimes it just doesn’t work.
there’s no real reason why it shouldn’t,
and still it just doesn’t.
maybe it’s because one side is willing
and the other one isn’t,
maybe one is stronger
and another weaker,
maybe it’s fate
or a long anticipated destiny.
it’s not the right time for either one.